I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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