saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
