this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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