The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
