they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
