the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
