Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
