I have demons in me.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
