I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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