ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
