its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
How does it feel to date your dad?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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