Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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