uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
