Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
