Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
