My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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