Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Randomize
