i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Rumble strips road head = magical
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
