I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
