He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
