ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
