I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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