Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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