theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
