shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
