If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I yelled at your uterus for you.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
