Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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