how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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