This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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