I met the friendliest cop last night
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
