so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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