and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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