Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
