my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
what day is it and did you see me today?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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