Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I had to cum in my sink.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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