I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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