nut hugger
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
