a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
