Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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