I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
