the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
