you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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