So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
