Will you blow on my dice?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
