Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
