I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
