Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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