chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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