none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
