Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
